Depression is a mental illness and how do you know you have it? Symptoms like fever, runny nose, headache, cough are easily felt. And it provides a somewhat clear signal that one is sick with fuss. What fiber of mental illness? Are the symptoms of depression visible? Here are roughly some scenarios that show symptoms that seem invisible but are the manifestation of a mental illness, in this City President Depression (as well as Bipolar Depression).
The preliminary scenario is that I am in ‘hibernate’ mode. Unable to wake up, sleep until past noon. Barely awake for lunch, many times I skipped it. Take the afternoon break after being awake for an hour or two for an early lunch. This pattern is persistent and it is convenient to judge that I am a lazy person. I could also easily justify ‘I’m always tired’.
The second scenario is about feelings of helplessness and/or hopelessness and can be rampant and compelling. ‘There is nothing I can do about it’, ‘My contribution would not improve the situation’, ‘She is sick, I cannot help her feel better’, ‘I do not provide solutions that we can give to our clients, we will not get them, we will have a contract renewal . ‘ Many people, including me, would say that I lack perseverance and determination to find solutions, I lack positivity, I have a weakness of character. It’s easy to judge my performance and conclude that I’m a worthless useless.
The third context is when restlessness appears. ‘What am I supposed to do?’, ‘I can’t sit still, I better pack my bag, maybe I should tidy up the dining table.’ Frustrated by the inability to get things done, I get irritated by general comments from my family. When the tolerance level drops, the irritation turns to anger or anger, unfortunately directed at my family, those closest to my heart. So what do I do with this: a touchy day? Or it could be written off as another bad day, then it’s not a big deal.
These seemingly harmless feelings and behaviors, what child when you experienced them for a week, two weeks, three? Do I discard it and/or accept that it’s just me? I am lazy, weak-willed, have a bad temper.
I am in the hour when the diagnosis of mental illness is based primarily on self-reported symptoms. I am lucky that my brother showed me a newspaper clipping about his depression and symptoms 30 years ago. Engaged with information about depression, though reluctant, I visited my former psychiatrist in my teens. Being alone, I struggled to make sense of and these common (and invisible) symptoms: tiredness, sleepiness, my anger (and rage), a sense of worthlessness, and in the worst cases, suicidal tendencies.